Maurice Baillargeon was a farmer and a union carpenter. Bernice Koehler Johnson negotiated real estate contracts for an urban county. Marilyn Grantham developed educational programs for farmers.

What do they have in common?

• After they retired, each spent time contributing to others.
• These contributions turned into some of the most rewarding work of their lives.
• They each thrived.

Maurice served as a deacon for the last 20 years of his life. Bernice went back to school, wrote a book, created a nonprofit to support Shan refugees, and spends months teaching in Thailand each year. Marilyn, who in the 1960s purposefully chose a nontraditional career path for a woman, is as surprised as anyone that she is an AmeriCorps volunteer, teaching kids to read.

Who expects to do their most rewarding work after they retire?

This isn’t what we see in the media. This isn’t the story we hear about retirement. Yet, there are retirees all around us who are making important contributions to their schools, neighborhoods, and causes.

For the last few years I have been interviewing retirees like Maurice, Bernice, and Marilyn to find out what they are doing, how they got to be doing those things, and why they continue. I want to learn from bright spots like them, so I can thrive when I retire for good.

Here are 9 tips to improve your chances of thriving in retirement, based on the wisdom of retirees who are living wholeheartedly.

 
1. If you know your purpose or passion, follow it. If you don’t, follow your curiosity.

Following your purpose and passion leads to a meaningful life.

But what if your purpose and passion were all wrapped up in your prior work? Or what if the transition from work to retirement has you so rattled or depressed that you can’t focus on finding your purpose or passion?

Then follow your curiosity.

When retirees talked about how they found the things they were contributing to, they said, I always had an affinity for, or I was drawn to, or I wanted to find something that used my skills, or I thought I might like.

These are not words of passion or purpose. These are words of curiosity. Experimentation. Attraction. Fun. Play. Wonder. This is snooping around to see what gems you might find.

These retirees followed their curiosity, trying things. Sometimes finding the right thing to give your energy to takes trial and error. Often retirees just took the next step that seemed right. If it didn’t work, they regrouped and tried something else.

Following your curiosity is the first step to finding your purpose and passion.

 
2. Rest, but not too long.

Some retirees quit work and immediately jump into a new commitment; others rest, savoring their freedom.

There is no one right way to stage this. But the interviewees who took time to relax renewed surprisingly quickly. They started getting antsy after six months and really felt the need to start something new after about a year.

Remember the law of physics that says a body in motion stays in motion, and a body at rest stays at rest? It applies to people as well as objects. The longer you rest, the more difficult it becomes to start something new.

John Ward worried about that. When John’s father retired he intended to get a part-time job to keep busy. Instead, his dad got a little too comfortable in his favorite chair, reading and watching TV. All too soon, he developed health problems and didn’t have the stamina to fight his illnesses.

John saw how quickly his dad declined and vowed not to be a “sitting duck for diseases of old age.” When John retired he immediately volunteered for organizations that could use his skills.

3. Rethink your bucket list.

Instead of thinking of your bucket list as things you want to do some day, think of your bucket list as things you want to do now.

Jonathan Fields, author of How to Live a Good Life, suggests we think of life as three buckets that we try to keep full:

Bucket 1 is Vitality. These are things we do to keep our body and mind healthy, including exercise, play, meditation, prayer, being in nature, gardening, or practicing gratitude.

Bucket 2 is Connection. These are things we do to grow relationships with people: family, friends, community members, others. And it includes things we do to build connection with God, or our sense of Source. It’s about “cultivating love and belonging, friendship and attachment, community and cooperation.”

Bucket 3 is Contribution. This is how we contribute to the world—paid or unpaid. It is about devoting time to what matters most.

When we make a contribution that matters to us, we feel “fully-expressed, fully-engaged, fully-utilized and utterly lit-up.”

Fields says the fuller we keep these three buckets, the better our lives. The goal is to get all of them sloshing over. Then life soars.

But these buckets leak. So the aim is to add to each bucket daily.

Here is the fascinating thing: I’ve only been asking people about their contributions—Bucket 3. But when retirees add to Bucket 3, they get a bonus. They automatically add to Buckets 1 and 2. Their contribution buckets spilled over and added to their vitality and connection buckets.

Here is an example: Marilyn Grantham’s contribution—her purpose—is to help kids read. But it increases her vitality because she gets exercise walking the children to and from their classrooms. And the real reward is connection—the love she gives and gets from the first through third graders she helps.

When exploring what kind of contribution you want to make, think about what other bucket you want to fill at the same time.

Do you want to make a contribution that:
• Helps you stay fit?
• Allows you commune with nature?
• Allows you be around animals?
• Feels like play?
• Challenges your mind?
• Connects you with kids?
• Increases your sense of belonging in your neighborhood? Faith community? Civic life?
• Helps you make international connections?
• Feeds your desire to travel?

When you rethink your bucket list:
a) Add items to your Contribution bucket, and
b) Intentionally think about how you can fill your Vitality and Connection buckets at the same time.

4. Find a contribution that is filling, not draining.

The definition of contribute is to give something, such as money, goods, or time to help a person, group, cause, or organization.

Because the emphasis is on giving, we might assume that if we give, our energy will become depleted over time. But that is the opposite of what happened to retirees who were thriving, because they found contributions that are rewarding—and rewarding contributions involve giving AND receiving.

Retirees found something to breathe life into, and, in return, that thing breathed life back into them.

People didn’t continue making contributions if they didn’t get something in return. Altruism only took them so far. If the contribution felt like a burden or drudgery, they looked for a different way to contribute. When their contribution no longer felt rewarding, they negotiated to change it or they found something else.

Research suggests that the most rewarding contributions we make are ones that we feel we do by pure choice. When we help family, there is often a feeling of “I should do this” or “I owe them this.” When we give our time to others, it feels like more of a gift.

A number of the retirees I interviewed were caregivers—caring for parents or partners or grandchildren. But here is the interesting thing—they didn’t focus on this work when they talked about their contributions.

These people talked about caregiving with great love. And they said caregiving requires a lot of energy. So they purposefully looked for other ways to contribute that replenished them.

Look for something you want to breathe life into and, in turn, breathes life back into you.

 
5. Develop schedules, rituals, or routines that feed your vitality, connection, and contribution.

When you retire, your old schedules and routines evaporate. No more commute. No more walking around the block on your break. No more lunch with colleagues. No more 8 to 5.

You have the chance to create an entirely new schedule. This only happens a few times in our lives. Take this opportunity seriously.

Sure. You might want to say to heck with a schedule for a while. That’s understandable. You’ve had to get up and go to work for decades. Now that you’ve retired, you can do anything. You can do nothing. You get to use your time any way you want.

But one way or another, over time, you are going to end up with a new schedule, routine, and habits—whether you consciously think about it or not.

The average retiree watches over 50 hours of TV per week. That’s a new habit.

Remember, what you do each day creates the person you become.

So I shouldn’t have been surprised that these vital, thriving retirees created new schedules and habits that reinforced their values and gave them meaning. They talked, unprompted, about ways they structured their days, weeks, and seasons to include things that are important to them.

Retirement is an exciting time. Your old schedule is dead. You get to create a new one. Do what these amazing retirees did: Develop schedules, rituals, or routines that feed your new life.

6. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

When I started interviewing retirees who are living engaging lives I wondered, are they special? Are they different than the rest of us? Are they smarter, deeper, kinder, more dedicated?

On one hand, they are special simply because they have created fulfilling lives, which is special enough. But, on average, they don’t seem all that different. They don’t seem to have superpowers. They seem just like the rest of us.

But here is something they do have: courage.

They were willing to try something new—even if it scared the bejesus out of them.

They went back to school after 50 years, even though they felt old and ill-prepared. They volunteered, and when they were rejected, they rebounded and offered their time to another cause. They stood in front of groups to teach or lead or guide. They created things—food, art, books, blogs—and then had the courage to offer them to the world. They showed vulnerability by asking for help. They traveled to unfamiliar places. They started nonprofits and new businesses, things they had never done before, in totally new arenas.

Bernice Koehler Johnson, tiny and in her 80s, travels alone to a remote village in Thailand to teach. When I asked her if she was ever afraid she said, “Of course. I am often afraid. I feel the fear and do it anyway.”

Living fully is not for the timid.

These people led rewarding lives because they didn’t let fear hold them back.

7. Ask for help. Find people who support your dream.

Growing to be our best selves is not a do-it-yourself project.

Retirees who were making rewarding contributions asked for help.

They asked for advice, connections, support. They asked for suggestions for places to volunteer. They asked for help setting up websites, starting nonprofits, and publishing books. They asked former colleagues to join with them to build houses for Habitat for Humanity, start reading programs, and find new ways to support food shelves. They asked for donations to organizations they are committed to. They asked for prayers. They asked for encouragement.

Other times, like a gift, encouragement and support came unbidden. There was the aunt who continually asked for more writing, which created the basis of a book. The partner who said, I totally support what you want to do. The donor who said, write a proposal and we’ll fund it.

But retirees also ran into the opposite. Friends and family who asked them to give up this thing they love. These were usually people who had time on their hands. They asked, when you are going to quit so you can spend more time with me?

When we are young, our parents, teachers, and coaches show us the way. During our work life, if they are lucky, we have mentors, supervisors, and colleagues who guide us. In retirement, people are left to figure things out on their own. But you don’t have to. Ask for and give support.

We don’t make our most rewarding contributions on our own. We give and we receive. Ask yourself:
• Who can I encourage, support, or help as they try to become their best self?
• What do I need to take my next step and who can I ask for help to accomplish it?

8. Speak up.

Negotiate to make sure your contribution is rewarding.

Thriving retirees who were volunteering for an organization spoke up if felt over- or underused. If they wanted to change schedules, they asked. If they felt they were wasting their time, they asked for more responsibility. If they felt overwhelmed, they asked for less responsibility.

It is OK to tell an organization how you feel. In fact, most organizations would rather discuss what’s going well, what’s not going well, and try to meet your needs rather than lose a great volunteer. So, speak up.

Retirees said:

It is OK to say, I don’t feel that my time is well used. I’d rather be doing X. Can we make that happen?

It is OK to say, no. No, I don’t want to work those hours, but I’d be happy to work these hours. Or, No, I don’t want to do that job, but I’ve love to…

It is OK to say, I’ll try it and if I don’t like it I won’t continue.

It is OK to say, I changed my mind.

It is OK to ask for what you want. The organization may not be able to accommodate your request, and then you get to decide whether to stay or offer your time to another cause.

Remember, retirees who create fulfilling lives negotiate for what they want.

9. Your contribution doesn’t need to be big and flashy.

The retirees I interviewed contributed in vastly different ways.

Some did big, audacious things: starting nonprofits, writing books, teaching internationally, teaching art in prison, starting new careers.

Some contributed in quiet ways: monitoring bluebird houses, picking up trash, participating in a civic group, playing in the community band, writing the church newsletter, showing up to support others, inviting a neighbor to dinner.

I heard about a retired CEO who volunteered to be a greeter at a museum. The executive director of the museum thought it was a misuse of the CEO’s talents—that he should be on the board or spearheading a committee. But the CEO didn’t want big responsibilities at that point. He wanted to stand by the front door, smile broadly, and welcome visitors to a place he loved.

I believe we undervalue quiet gestures. And that is a disservice to us all. It sends the message that certain contributions are better than others. People begin to believe that what they can contribute isn’t grand enough, isn’t good enough, isn’t worthwhile, isn’t valuable. That’s a shame. 

Whatever you do needs to be a good fit for you. Take time to find rewarding ways to contribute when you Retire for Good.

Summary

So that’s it. Nine tips for retirees who want to thrive:
1. If you know your purpose or have a passion, follow it. If you don’t, follow your curiosity.
2. Rest, but not too long!
3. Rethink your bucket list.
4. Find a contribution that is filling, not draining.
5. Develop schedules, rituals, or routines that support things you value.
6. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
7. Ask for help.
8. Speak up.
9. Your contribution doesn’t need to be big and flashy to make a difference.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *